Welcome to my Enigma
October 2001
October 10th. My visit with my regular doctor. I brought him up to date
on what has been going on with me.
Blood was drawn and I should have the results in two days.
My moods have been erratic. Sometimes depressed, sometimes high.
I have been trying to keep them in check but they are hard to control.
My feelings, thoughts and words.
My mind races with wild ideas.
I started smoking again. Since I have been off my medication.
I know, not a good habit, but it seems to help.
October 12th
I got the results. After of month of being off medication the level raised again.
None of this makes sence.
I have scheduled another doctors appointment for the 19th.
I will keep you posted.
UPDATE
Well, I went to the Doctor on 10/19/2001.
He decided to wait another two weeks, 11/8/2001 to have another
blood test taken. He said that if its still elevated or higher then he
will refer me to a specialist.
MORE waiting.
In the mean time I am still rapid cycling.
I came home one day this week and I had this overwhelming feeling that
my boyfriend was hiding something from me.
When he came home from work the feeling got worse.
I did not talk to him that night about it. I was too emotional.
The next time we talked. He said he isnt hiding anything from me and that he
loves me very much.
I really hate being Bipolar.
October 22, 2001
Well I am rapid cycling. I have been this whole weekend.
Actually, I am really angry right now and everything seems to be setting
me off. Why??? I DONT KNOW!!!!!!
I really hate this.
I can also feel my self, my body shaking.
Panic attack??? High level of adrenaline?
Everything irratates me right now.
Yesterday I had a telemarketer call the house and that made me mad.
About thirty minutes later another one from the SAME company
called me and I told him off...using a few choice words.
Then I sat out side and I could feel it coursing through my body.
I really hate this...I really hate having to "let it ride out"
In the meantime I make my boyfriend & daughter miserable.
Is there ever an end to this?
| home About Me | Bipolar | The High Time | The Downward Spiral | January-February 2001 | March-April 2001 | May-June 2001 | July 2001 | August 2001 | September 2001 | October 2001 | November 2001 | The Psychiatrist | Second Psychiatrist Visit | The Therapist | Second Therapist Visit | Music | Links and E-mail