Welcome to my Enigma
October 2001

October 10th.  My visit with my regular doctor.  I brought him up to date
on what has been going on with me.
Blood was drawn and I should have the results in two days.

My moods have been erratic.  Sometimes depressed, sometimes high.
I have been trying to keep them in check but they are hard to control.
My feelings, thoughts and words.
My mind races with wild ideas.
I started smoking again.  Since I have been off my medication.
I know, not a good habit, but it seems to help.

October 12th
I got the results.  After of month of being off medication the level raised again.
None of this makes sence.
I have scheduled another doctors appointment for the 19th.
I will keep you posted.

UPDATE
Well,  I went to the Doctor on 10/19/2001.
He decided to wait another two weeks, 11/8/2001 to have another
blood test taken.  He said that if its still elevated or higher then he
will refer me to a specialist.
MORE waiting.


In the mean time I am still rapid cycling.

I came home one day this week and I had this overwhelming feeling that
my boyfriend was hiding something from me.

When he came home from work the feeling got worse.
I did not talk to him that night about it.   I was too emotional.

The next time we talked.  He said he isnt hiding anything from me and that he
loves me very much.  

I really hate being Bipolar.


October 22, 2001

Well I am rapid cycling.  I have been this whole weekend.
Actually,  I am really angry right now and everything seems to be setting
me off.  Why???   I DONT KNOW!!!!!!

I really hate this.
I can also feel my self, my body shaking.
Panic attack???  High level of adrenaline?
Everything irratates me right now.
Yesterday I had a telemarketer call the house and that made me mad.
About thirty minutes later another one from the SAME company
called me and I told him off...using a few choice words.
Then I sat out side and I could feel it coursing through my body.

I really hate this...I really hate having to "let it ride out"
In the meantime I make my boyfriend & daughter miserable.
Is there ever an end to this?


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