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Welcome to my Enigma
![]() ![]() ![]() July 2001
![]() Well July has hit and the weather is HOT outside.
![]() I kind have coasted through July though. A few mood swings here and there.
![]() Mostly being taken by my boyfriend...poor guy.
![]() We went on a vacation. We went to the state where my boyfriend
![]() comes from...you know...to visit friends and family.
![]() I was kind of nervous to go. What if someone said something and
![]() it set me off. What if I started with the tears again?
![]() A friend that I have there asked me what was wrong.
![]() I had not told her about this yet. Out of curiosity I ask her why she asked.
![]() She said I seemed......Guarded...not my usually bubbly self.
![]() I was guarded. I was afraid of have an episode right there
![]() in front of his family and friends. Right then I began telling her
![]() what I had been going through.
![]() I have noticed that I have become more critical of things.
![]() Not all the time...every once in a while.
![]() I have also noticed that sometimes I want to pick a fight
![]() with my boyfriend. I really do not know why. I can not control it either.
![]() He has become good at catching my moods and when they start.
![]() He is learning to deflect them, to get a hold of me, and to calm me.
![]() Some instances take longer than others to calm.
![]() He gets so frustrated though. I can see it in his eyes.
![]() Not at me...but at the fact that other than holding me tightly as the
![]() episode rides itself out...there is nothing else he can really do.
![]() I want this to go away.
![]() People are walking on egg shells around me.
![]() Watching their words.
![]() I spent another weekend in tears. I dont even remember why now.
![]() This is when I decided that the medical doctors were not helping me.
![]() This is when my sister told me about a mental health
![]() clinic in our area. The thought of it made me shudder, hense the stigma.
![]() Did I really need to see a mental health specialist?
![]() I went down to the clinic. I explained everything to the case worker down there.
![]() She set me up with a psychyatrist and a therapyst.
![]() My first appointments were yet to come.
![]() NO sleep still. But TONS of energy. I woke up one saturday
![]() with unlimited energy. I gave the dog a bath, cleaned my house,
![]() mowed the lawn. Wow, the upward high can be very helpful.
![]() Even my mood seemed better.
![]() | home About Me | Bipolar | The High Time | The Downward Spiral | January-February 2001 | March-April 2001 | May-June 2001 | July 2001 | August 2001 | September 2001 | October 2001 | November 2001 | The Psychiatrist | Second Psychiatrist Visit | The Therapist | Second Therapist Visit | Music | Links and E-mail
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