Welcome to my Enigma
September 2001
Well it is Labor day weekend. I like three day weekends. I have been rapid cycling all weekend.
Saturday was okay in till my boyfriend and I got into an argument.
As we discussed it I had found out that the feelings I was having were
legitimate feelings and he shared some of them too.
See that is another problem I am having with this. I do not know anymore
if the feelings I get are really warranted, just over exaggerated
or totally uncalled for.
I woke up Sunday and sat outside for a while. I listened to the birds and tried
to stop my insides from shaking.
It usually starts in my stomach and feels like my organs are literally shaking.
Then it moves outward and you will be able to physically see my hands and
body shake on and off.
Sitting outside did not work, so I decided to go back and lay down.
I curled myself up into a tight ball position to see if that would help.
It did not. I had a lot of cleaning to do today. So I decided to get up and get started.
Maybe this will take my mind off the shaky feeling. Well that did not work either, and it made it worse.
It also increased my energy level. I was not hungry, I cleaned like a mad woman.
I was talking a mile a minute. About 2:00 p.m. I finally sat down and ate.
About 5:00 p.m. I hit bottom. I became so tired. I laid down for
an hour and then got up. I had a couple of friends coming by that evening
at 7:00 p.m. and I needed to get ready.
I never ate dinner that night and it took me about 3 hours to finally fall
asleep. My friends left about 11:30 p.m.
Monday I started feeling the shaky feeling inside again.
I did some more cleaning around the house and laundry.
I went to the local hospital and had blood drawn again.
The psychiatrist wants to keep an eye on the level of Depakote in my system.
Then I began to get upset. The sadness set in a little and I was upset
that my boyfriend had to work today. I told him that I did not feel like we
spent too much time together this weekend. Eventually the crying stopped.
Rather quickly actually and the shake manic side kicked in again.
Actually it is still here now. Which is why it is 11:00 p.m. and I am up typing this.
We shall see how the rest of September 2001 goes.
Update
September 10, 2001
I had to call the hospital lab where I had blood drawn because they still did not
get the results to my psychiatrist. They said they would fax them over ASAP.
When I got home from work I had two voice mail messages, one from each doctor.
The message were as follows: "I need you to stop the Depakote immediately and
I need you to call my office as soon as you receive this message. I would like to
talk to you in person if at all possible"
Oh great. Whenever a doctor tells you they want to talk to you in person
you know it is not good. So I left messages with both doctors and waited.
Waited for two hours. Two hours of freaking out.
They finally called me back. They stated that a certain enzyme level in my liver
was elevated, which could happen while on Depakote.
She wanted me to stop taking it and in another two weeks have more blood
drawn to see if the level returned to normal.
If it does, then we know it was the Depakote and I will have to try another
medicine. If it does not then I will need to see my regular
medical doctor to see if I have something wrong with my liver.
Also now, I am on NO medication. That is scary too.
We shall see what happens...
I will update again when I find something out.
UPDATE
SEPTEMBER 24, 2001
Another blood test.
A few days later I got the results.
The level went up.
Now off to see my regular Doctor.
October 10th is the scheduled visit.
For consultation and another blood test.
More of the waiting game.
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