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Welcome to my Enigma
![]() ![]() ![]() August 2001
![]() Well its the second week of August and I am still not sleeping much.
![]() I am not missing it either. The upward side of this has an
![]() advantage.....I am getting a lot of work done.
![]() House work, giving the dog a bath, yard work.
![]() But at what price?
![]() August 10th, Friday evening
![]() I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and then after
![]() we were to drift to the bar area to meet up with some of his
![]() co-workers for good bye drinks, partying and kareoke.
![]() I do not get along with a lot of his co-workers.
![]() Most of them are in their lower 20's and are still in that
![]() "Lets Party!" or "Lets drink till we puke" stage.
![]() But I go, I want to try to have fun with them.
![]() I use to be a fun person.
![]() Well about a couple of hours into the night I started feeling strange.
![]() I started feeling a sadness coming on. I asked him when he thought
![]() we might be leaving because I was feeling strange.
![]() He basically said whenever we want. I told him to hold off for a while.
![]() I wanted to see if this feeling would go away, and it did.
![]() Shortly after that a girl sitting behind me, at the next table, decided
![]() she wanted to get to the dance floor....by plowing me and another
![]() woman over. Practically knocking us off of our bar stools.
![]() Adrenaline kicked in, I got really angry, called her few choice things
![]() and immedially told my boyfriend that I "REALLY" needed to
![]() go outside. I proceeded to leave, grabbing a cigarette and lighter, and stormed
![]() outside. Once there, I just started shaking and crying.
![]() Needless to say, we left and went home.
![]() Well that pretty well set my weekend of tears and depression.
![]() That night I had a third dream about my boyfriend.
![]() I do not exactly remember what he did to me, but in the dream
![]() I had become so angry that I beat him up.
![]() In my dream. I was elbowing him in the chest and face.
![]() There was another man in the dream and as I was walking out a door I
![]() told him that he might want to check on him because I had just
![]() broken all his ribs.
![]() With that I immediately woke up by just about flying out of bed.
![]() My boyfriend was standing there getting dressed and I scared him.
![]() I told him about the dream. The thought of what I had done in the dream made
![]() me sick to my stomach. I mean, I have never hit anyone in my life.
![]() Then I started crying again.
![]() | home About Me | Bipolar | The High Time | The Downward Spiral | January-February 2001 | March-April 2001 | May-June 2001 | July 2001 | August 2001 | September 2001 | October 2001 | November 2001 | The Psychiatrist | Second Psychiatrist Visit | The Therapist | Second Therapist Visit | Music | Links and E-mail
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