Welcome to my Enigma
August 2001
Well its the second week of August and I am still not sleeping much.
I am not missing it either. The upward side of this has an
advantage.....I am getting a lot of work done.
House work, giving the dog a bath, yard work.
But at what price?
August 10th, Friday evening
I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and then after
we were to drift to the bar area to meet up with some of his
co-workers for good bye drinks, partying and kareoke.
I do not get along with a lot of his co-workers.
Most of them are in their lower 20's and are still in that
"Lets Party!" or "Lets drink till we puke" stage.
But I go, I want to try to have fun with them.
I use to be a fun person.
Well about a couple of hours into the night I started feeling strange.
I started feeling a sadness coming on. I asked him when he thought
we might be leaving because I was feeling strange.
He basically said whenever we want. I told him to hold off for a while.
I wanted to see if this feeling would go away, and it did.
Shortly after that a girl sitting behind me, at the next table, decided
she wanted to get to the dance floor....by plowing me and another
woman over. Practically knocking us off of our bar stools.
Adrenaline kicked in, I got really angry, called her few choice things
and immedially told my boyfriend that I "REALLY" needed to
go outside. I proceeded to leave, grabbing a cigarette and lighter, and stormed
outside. Once there, I just started shaking and crying.
Needless to say, we left and went home.
Well that pretty well set my weekend of tears and depression.
That night I had a third dream about my boyfriend.
I do not exactly remember what he did to me, but in the dream
I had become so angry that I beat him up.
In my dream. I was elbowing him in the chest and face.
There was another man in the dream and as I was walking out a door I
told him that he might want to check on him because I had just
broken all his ribs.
With that I immediately woke up by just about flying out of bed.
My boyfriend was standing there getting dressed and I scared him.
I told him about the dream. The thought of what I had done in the dream made
me sick to my stomach. I mean, I have never hit anyone in my life.
Then I started crying again.
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