Welcome to my Enigma
MARCH 2001
One weekend in March 2001 I spent the entire weekend in tears.
To the point that my boyfriend did not know what to do to
help me so he called my sister to come pick me up and take me
out of the house for a while.
I explained to her that I did not know what was going on with me.
I was sad about nothing. Nothing at all!
But I sobbed like I just lost everything in the world that was dear to me.
Needless to say, I did not go to work that following Monday.
Instead I called my medical doctor, explained what I was experiencing and
demanded that I see him today.
I went and do you know what I got out of that visit.
Well besides an office visit bill, I got handed a sample box of
Prozac and him telling me he had know idea what was wrong with me.
I was to take 1 20 mg pill a day for a week. The week before
my period. So I did this. After all, he's the doctor...right?
I started searching the internet for anything on this drug that I could find.
I found out that the company who produces Prozac is Lilly,
and they also produce Sarafem too. Basically Sarafem is Prozac,
but with vitamin B6 added which is suppose to help a mood levels.
Who knows if this is true, because the second doctor I seen told me this...
but that's jumping ahead into the story.
That is when I found out that my doctor thought I had P.M.D.D. or
Pre Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder. A severe form of PMS.
My research on the web began to get more intense as I was searching
for answers. I felt, if the doctors cant help me then I must start helping myself.
April 2001
By April I was seeing NO improvement so I decided to call the o'l doc again.
I ended up leaving a message. A day later his nurse called me back.
I re-explained that I had not seen any improvements and wanted to know what to do.
She said the doctor instructions were to take 1 20 mg Prozac pill everyday
from now on and call him back in a month. Then, (this is the kicker)
she said he asked her "who prescribed her to take 1 Prozac pill
a day the week before her period?" and the nurse responded
to him "You did Doctor." I was appalled.
I told her that indeed it was him that prescribed it to me.
Now what do I do? Well I had decided that I would start taking
Prozac 1 per day and keep searching the web for any help
I could find on my own and give it one more month.
I had another dream this month about my boyfriend
cheating on me. I did not wake up crying but I could feel
the pain like it was real. It set my mood for the rest of that
weekend. Leaving feeling very low and in tears.
Maybe in my subconsconsious I am fearing rejection.
After all, I had a really shitty marriage.
My ex preferred 900 numbers too me.
Or maybe the problem was me?
Maybe I drove them away.
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